Stop Calling Customers “Difficult”

They’re not difficult people–they’re human beings in difficult situations.

Maybe it’s the optimist in me, but I believe people are essentially good. Well-intentioned. Trying their best. And yes, after 30 years of handling irate individuals, I know there are a few who thrive on stirring the pot—but they’re the exception, not the rule.  We can’t let the few dictate how we treat the many.  After all, the only actions we can truly own are our own.

So when you’re in a moment of conflict or confrontation, try this reframing:  See the other person as someone who is struggling.  Assume they’re frustrated, scared, confused, or feeling out of control.  Then lean in.  Acknowledge.  Connect.  Resolve.

Here’s how:
1. Name the emotion you’re seeing
“You look really frustrated right now.”

2. Acknowledge the impact
“I can understand how hard that is when you’re just trying to get this task accomplished.”

3. Share a personal point of empathy
“I’ve been frustrated in situations like this too.”

4. Offer to help
“I want to help you resolve this—let’s figure out how to get this back on track.”

5. Ask what success looks like right now
“What can I do for you right now that would help us move forward?”

6. Negotiate if needed
“While I may not be able to do that immediately, can I check on a realistic timeframe and let you know what’s possible?”

7. Thank them for caring
“Thank you for caring enough about our relationship to bring this to my attention. I’m committed to making this work.”

You’ll be amazed at the results when you change the approach.

Empathy isn’t weakness—it’s strategy.